我的世界炎黄籽岷生存:求：英语笑话

TEACHER : Why are you late?
BALGOBIN : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
BALGOBIN : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER : Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
BALGOBIN : You told me to do it without using tables!
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TEACHER : Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?
BALGOBIN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
BALGOBIN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?(H2o)
BALGOBIN : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
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TEACHER : Balgobin, go to the map and find North America.
BALGOBIN : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Balgobin!
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TEACHER : Balgobin, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
BALGOBIN : Me!
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TEACHER : Balgobin, why do you always get so dirty?
BALGOBIN : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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BALGOBIN : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
BALGOBIN : Your name on this report card.
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TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
BALGOBIN : Don't bite any.
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TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with "I".
BALGOBIN : I is...
TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."
BALGOBIN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
BALGOBIN : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
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TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
BALGOBIN : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
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BALGOBIN : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
BALGOBIN : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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TEACHER : Wh! at a pair of strange socks you arewearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
BALGOBIN : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that
at home.
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TEACHER : Now, children, if I saw a man beating adonkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
BALGOBIN : Brotherly love?
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TEACHER : Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
BALGOBIN : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : Balgobin, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Di! d you copy his?
BALGOBIN : No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
BALGOBIN : A teacher

A Girl Just Like Mother

No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother． A friend gave him advice．

“Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her．

So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl．He told his friendly adviser：

“Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like mother．And just as you said，mother liked her”

“So，”asked the friend，“what happened？”

“Nothing，”said the young man．“My father hates her！”

37．和母亲一样的女孩

无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说：

“找一个和你母亲一样的女孩——那她一定会喜欢她。”

于是这位青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。

他对他友好的忠告者说：

“正像你说的那样，我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮，甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。也正像你说的那样，我母亲喜欢她。”

“那后来呢？”朋友问。

“没什么，”青年人说。“我父亲讨厌她！”